The Universe Speaks

And I am totally confused.

I believe the Universe speaks to you in many ways through people, circumstances, etc and lately it keeps telling me that I am not doing something right.  I keep getting messages to be myself and stick to what I know.

For example:

“Learn to limit yourself; to content yourself with some definite work; dare to be what you are and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not; and to believe in your own individuality.” 
-Henri-Frederic Amiel (1821-1881); philosopher, poet, critic

And this from a Facebook App:

Are you willing to do that now? Or are you going to wait until all life energy drains out of you and your loved ones who are trying to support you at this very moment? You were not born to follow rules and regulations. Living starts with dreaming. So dream, dream friend, and let dreams show you the path to your bliss.


Only trouble is I am not sure what the Universe is telling me to do.  I kinda thought I was being myself, though I am not sure I am doing what I want with my life.  I just don't see how I can do the things I want to do with my life.  They all mean spending money I don't have.

SamHain aka All Saints Eve?

One of my friends posted a blurb about SamHain yesterday on Facebook and it appealed to me.  To some extent, it is similar to All Saints Eve.  I set the table for tea and I invited my Grandmother, Great Grandmother and beloved MissyToes to join me for afternoon tea.

It was much like my everyday conversations.  I found myself babbling on, as I do when I am nervous or with someone I do not know well.

Truth is, we could probably learn a lot from our ancestors, if in fact we knew anything about them.  I honestly know very little about mine.

My Great Grandmother lived until she was very old and I met her once.  I have a photo of us on a swing in her yard and tea was had on her "newest" china purchased at Piggly Wiggly way back in the 50s or 60s.  I love that china, though my aunt always refers to it as the grey china.  It actually has pink roses on it.

My grandmother took her own life when she was a young nurse with 3 kids.  I have a photo of her before she was married in her nurse uniform.  My Great Aunt gave me a table they used for their radio aka TV of the day.  Anyone who has been at my house has seen it, though you may not know the significance.  All I know about her is she was a nurse and she loved her kids.  I sometimes think we must have a lot in common.

MissyToes died New Years Eve 2010 of mammary tumors.  If I were better off, she could have had them removed 2 years ago and lived several more.

It was an interesting exercise at the least and a rewarding experience at best.  I love having tea with friends, though it rarely happens, and it always brings some insight to this thing we call LIFE?.

Trust God. Clean house. Help others.

Some may recognize these words.  I got them in a newsletter.  They just seemed so fitting for the place I am in right now.

As I move toward my 40th birthday, I have had some realizations that I hope are leading me toward better days.  The last 3 years have been filled with depression, financial grief and loss.

Along the way I stopped taking care of my house and volunteering in the community.   I have been TRYING to focus more on my Spiritual development but have not really trusted that things will improve.

Friday I am going to a Full Moon ceremony to release some of my problems to the universe and trust G-d that things will improve.


I started yesterday cleaning my yard and house.  I am going to work on part of it everyday this week, so it might be less smelly by week's end.

I am not sure yet, how I want to back to the world around me.  I can only go so far without gas.  I may have to settle for doing something in my internet community for a few more months. 

Trust God. Clean house. Help others.

Something to work on

Today, my reading has brought me to 2 things I really need to work on.  They are inspired by the following quotes and come at a particularly difficult moment in my life.

I focus on what's really important in life.
Quality rather than appearance...ethics rather than rules...integrity rather than domination ...knowledge rather than achievement...serenity rather than acquisitions. - Wayne Dyer

“The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”  - Mitch Albom (born 1958); Author, screenwriter, musician

Life could be a lot better, but I have to decide to make it that way.

No Man is an Island

A lot of my reading this week has been about connecting with people, as I mentioned in my previous post.  I also agree that it is essential for human beings to interact with other human beings. 

However, the problem becomes how and where to interact with other human beings when the economy is so bad.  Unless your family and friends live next door, it takes gas and thus money to spent time with people.  For many this isn't a luxury one can afford.

I am not sure what the solution is.  I struggle with it every evening and weekend that I am free.  In fact I was going to stretch my budget to attend an activity, but now my car is on the fritz. 

Here are some thoughts I read this morning and am considering in regards to my dilemma:

I work on my problems, and then I release them.



Anything that bothers you is only a problem within. Only you can experience it, and only you can correct it.  -Wayne Dyer

Written at the dwelling of a recluse


Even though you have a brushwood door,
It hasn't been shut for a long time;
A few clouds, a few trees
Have been your only companions.
Still I suspect if you stay longer,
People will learn of this spot
We'll see you moving
Higher on the mountain.

- Chia Tao (779-843)

The Power of Love

This morning as I read through some of my favorite sites, a common theme is emerging. Everything is focusing on the second aspect of my mantra....Love. And also on connections with other people.

I found this on facebook via my friend Lana on PEACEBOOK - a place for peace, love, & healing, of Humanity and the Earth.  It is a a video Aloha: A Special Blessing on youtube, which is nice, but what caught my attention was the comment:

"As you continue to send out love, the energy returns to you in a regenerating spiral... As love accumulates, it keeps your system in balance and harmony. Love is the tool, and more love is the end product." ~ Sara Paddison, Hidden Power of the Heart
And this was the daily affirmation on scienceofmind.com:


This is my choice: I am living from my heart.


deshan.com has had a meditation up the last couple of days regarding the same principle:

Nobody has the right to judge anybody,

negatively or positively.
These are the ways of dominating people.
When you judge someone
you are trying to interfere in his life,
which is not your business.
A real, authentic man simply
allows people to be themselves.
- Dharma

Here are two more quotes I recently read which relate to this concept.

When someone asks you a question, answer him or her sincerely, and when you are not asked, do not force your teaching upon others.  -Jae Woong Kim, "Polishing the Diamond"


You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.   -Dale Carnegie
 
I do believe the universe is trying to tell me something...maybe get out and spent time with some humans....course even going a block takes money and money is so scarce these days.  I have to chose my trips carefully and plan far ahead.  I suppose I will have to start practicing some of these ideals at work and see what happens.

Meditation

I have been slowly working my way through a book called, Meditation: A Simple 8-point Program for Translating Spritiual Ideals into Daily Life by Eknath Easwaran since about the time I last posted on this blog.


He included a quote from the great spiritual thinker Albert Einstein early on that really summed up a lot of the conclusions I have come to in life:


A human being is part of the whole, called by us "Universe," a part limited in time and space.  He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something seperated from the rest - a kind of delusion of his consciousness.  This delusion is a kind of prison for us, rstricting us to our personal desires and to affections for a few persons nearest to us.  Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in beauty.

Morning thoughts

I have begun my morning rituals again.  I am trying to find a little peace and serenity before my day starts.  Today's thought that I am focusing on is one I have only begun to practice in the  last 7 years and only to varying degrees of success, though I still try.

I look for the meaning of life within myself.



If you want to find a deeper meaning in your life, you can't find it in the opinions or the beliefs that have been handed to you. You have to go to that place within yourself.

-Wayne Dyer

Time for change?

Everything I am hearing and seeing lately points toward change, but I am not sure from what I am seeing and hearing if change is coming or if I need to seek change.  Some thoughts I am pondering:

“After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.”  —Sophia Loren (1934-); actress 

“Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.”   —Vernon Sanders Law (1930-); Major League Baseball pitcher

“To change one's life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions.”   —William James (1842-1910); Psychologist, Philosopher, Author

“Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.”   —Sir Winston Churchill  (1874-1965); British Statesman, Prime Minister, Author, Nobel Prize Winner



The joy is in the journey, so enjoy the ride.